Your Facebook profile can reveal a lot about you. Maybe more than needed, thinks Oz. He lists five ways singletons send out too much information.
There is such a thing as being ‘too single’, and the phenomenon is heavily amplified when mixed with the social media network Facebook. It’s many things, Facebook. It can be a great tool for making your friends feel inferior when you post up those photos of your holiday to Cuba. It could be the medium for your business while you spam the world with your mediocre club parties or concerts. And, for some, it’s a place to vent out the kind of frustration that being single too long can cause. Ironically, those who are too single tend to make themselves even more single by their online behaviour without realising. In the art of Facebook attraction, the key to luring in a future partner heavily depends on your ability to appear interesting while looking barely available, a simple rule that many have yet to understand. The following examples are ways that some people on Facebook are being too single:
1. Having passive-aggressive status updates directed towards the opposite sex
Description: Sometimes when one has been single too long, the hate within starts building up. In a world of haves and have nots this is completely inevitable. There are many things we can do with pent-up rage. Some use that energy to improve themselves, while some take the dark path of blame assessment. Instead of accepting that perhaps they themselves are responsible for being single for too long, they instead believe that that their love life game of solitaire is the fault of others.
Example: ‘Take the vowels out of BOYS and all you are left with is BS! LOL’
What you think it says about you: ‘I am a funny feminist and I am above my dependency on men!’
What it actually says: ‘I put out too much, I am frustrated that they don’t call me back and I would rather blame the opposite sex than myself for my own problems.’
2. Having only one ‘perfect’ pose for every picture
Description: Everyone has a beauty angle. That one camera angle that escalates the subject’s appearance by a whole numerical unit (10-point scoring system). It’s very Derek Zoolander. ‘Blue Steel’, ‘Le Tigre’, ‘Ferrari’ and ‘Magnum’, these are all within the arsenal of finding a potential mate through online means.
Example:
What you think it says about you: ‘I’ve found my beauty pose and this will forever look good on my Facebook!’
What it actually says: ‘I am scared of change.’
3. Overenthusiastic Facebook updates
Description: The Facebook profile update is a quick and easy way to notify your friends about your current status. You can be ‘stuck in traffic LOL’ or citing some inspirational homily by Gandhi — ‘I starved a lot, LOL’ — or maybe you needed to share with the world just how big your morning dump was. But those in the ‘too single’ category would generally have some pretty noticeable updates that constantly scream ‘I AM SINGLE’ all over.
Example: ‘OMG! PartyiN w ma bITChES MeLiSSa aNd RaCheL tonite iN D cLub!’
What you think it says about you: ‘I’m so fun and I can write like a gangsta from a Spike Lee film!’
What it actually says: ‘I have too much energy and will probably tire and bore you if we were in a relationship. Plus, I’ve never been in a club before and I think I’m black.’
4. Posting a lot about yourself in the info section
Description: The info section on a Facebook profile is a place where one can specify his/her preferences regarding books, music and so forth. The little section can, very indirectly, tell a lot about a person and for someone who has too much singleness in their DNA, this is especially true.
Example: ‘Music’ section alone has over 20 bands.
What you think it says about you: ‘I friggin’ LOVE ALL THE THINGS!’
What it actually says: ‘I like a lot of things on the internet so now… PLEASE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON WITH ME!’
5. Being ‘In A Relationship’ with your friend
Description: In Facebook, one can specify their relationship status. One can choose not to have it displayed. Should one choose to have it displayed, one has the options of being ‘single’, ‘divorced’, ‘it’s complicated’, ‘married’ or ‘in a relationship’. The latter three allow for the Facebook user to be involved with another Facebook user. Facebook users can of course put themselves into a pretend relationship.
Example: ‘Alice ***** is in a relationship with Lindsay *****,’ (fictional names for security purposes, namely mine). Alice and Lindsay are not really in a relationship, they are just best friends.
What you think it says about you: ‘LOL, I really love my best friend! We is like Thelma and Louise yo!’
What it actually says: ‘Sob! The thought of being single is too traumatizing and I MUST MUST MUST be in a relationship with someone at all times! ARGH!!!’
For more of Oz’s findings on Facebook and fishing, go to http://bangkokhooker-fishing.com/.
21/10/2013 - 16:17