Chiang Mai Treachery

Four years ago I finally had the financial freedom to take my fishing seriously (yes, it’s a ridiculously expensive past-time, almost on par with space travel). It was a strange decision at the time, but looking at it now, it was totally worth it. This year I decided that it’s about time to start getting involved in some of the lure-fishing competitions for the sake of learning from the actual professionals how it’s done, having a damn good time and, of course, maybe one day being good enough to bring back a trophy of my own.

The annual TFG Fishing Tournament is now in its fifth year. The concept here is a tournament comprising four legs in each of Thailand’s four regions: North, North East (Issan), Central and South, sort of like a grand prix. Pros must compete in at least three of the legs while amateurs, like myself, can enter any leg as pleased.

Not too long ago, Alex and I got ourselves involved in the final leg of the TFG 2011 event. It was a disastrous yet entertaining debacle that involved a military boat, a road famous for violent thieves and a very good-hearted man named Art.

This time round we were participating in leg number one of the 2012 tournament, which happened to be the furthest possible location to go fishing: Ta Ko Reservoir, all the way in Chiang Mai province. Since Google Maps suggested that the journey would take an excruciatingly painful nine hours of driving; we opted to fly to Chiang Mai city and drive south from there. Either way, we’d get to leave Bangkok, do some fishing and go on a road trip.

A ‘Treacherous’ Road Trip

_Treacherous

The word ‘treacherous’ is something that is used quite often in the English language to describe an unfavourable journey or path. But when asked what exactly does the word mean, Tap and I were a little lost. We knew that it had negative connotation, but we were not exactly sure how. So in order to sound like two jackasses on a road trip (which we totally were), we decided to use it generously in just about every sentence we could fit it.

Our road trip conversations went something like this:

Oz: Dude, this road is quite narrow.

Tap: Yeah, it’s almost…

Oz: Treacherous. Just like this bag of pork crackling.

Tap: Indeed, very treacherous. Its caloric content can’t be trusted.

Oz: Traitorous?

Tap: Treacherousss.

Oz: Treasurouse?

Tap: Treacherousssss.

Oz: Treacherousssssss.

Yes, our banter was some next-level intellectual sh** beyond that of Plato’s Symposium.

A Beautiful Reservoir with Fire and Thunder

_{Tap and our boatman Aew in the beautiful Ta Ko reservoir}

Ta Ko Reservoir is part of a series of reservoirs within the confines of Mae Ping National Park. It is a long and narrow body of water nestled between the mountains. Thanks to the fears of another apocalyptic flood recurring this year, the reservoirs of Thailand have been left to drain out to accommodate for excess rainfall. As a result, farmers are suffering from a poor harvest and the forest fire risks have reached a level that would make Smokey the Bear put a shotgun in his mouth and say, 'F*** this sh**!' During our time there, the lush greenery of the national park was replaced with the shades of yellow leaves and hazy skies. But still, the view from on the water while surrounded by a tall rock valley on both sides makes this spot very highly recommended for anyone who enjoys having their breaths taken from them.

_{Everyone here is ready to fish}

We arrived to register on a Saturday in March and fished on the following day. Registration fee was THB 500 per person and boat rental was only THB 1,000. The boat driver was randomly selected for the fishermen via a lottery system. Our boatman’s name was Aew. He was a local commercial fisherman with the same sort of tough-as-nails demeanour as a Clint Eastwood character. He had a constant frown, which for some reason looked really friendly.

That day, Tap and I fished our hardest, casting into every possible location the snakeheads and the jungle perches could be hiding, but the best we got were several bites from fish too small to get the hook in their mouths. We tried topwater frogs, buzzbaits, crank baits, deep divers and lipless cranks, but none of our lures could land us a fish.

This being my second tournament, I have come to realise that when there are over one hundred fishermen scavenging away in a reservoir within a limited time for game fish, the chance of actually catching anything is greatly reduced thanks to the competition and the constant sound of motorboats causing a disturbance in the water, sort of a like a pick-up bar that’s overcrowded with hound dogs and the girls are on high-alert mode. Plus, when the people we were up against were sponsored professionals who have done extensive research on all the bodies of water they fish, it is quite difficult to top them. Most of the professional teams communicated with a combination of mobile phones and walkie-talkies. It was some serious sh**. I hope someday we’ll get there too.

By around 3:30pm, minutes before the end of the competition, an unseasonable thunderstorm started to brew in this dry season. Sudden fierce gusts of wind ripped limbs off trees and caused large waves in the water. Even the judges’ tents were no match for mother nature as they were completely knocked down. We later drove past a truck that somehow wound up plunged into a ditch from the storm. The driver was shocked but okay. It was a freak storm, the kind that you usually see in 80s rock music videos when the guitar solos play. Tap and I hurried back to shore and drove off as soon as we could to escape the clutches of the incoming tempest and to make it back to Chiang Mai in time for our flight. All this, while not knowing for certain how the rest of the event turned out. Also, we wanted to get back into town for a nice meal of khao soi before taking off.

Treacherous Khao Soi

_{khao soi noodles}

Ahh … khao soi noodles. Inspired by the Burmese and popular throughout northern Thailand and Laos, it’s an essential dish for anyone visiting northern provinces like Chiang Mai. On the first day of our trip, Tap and I had the pleasure of quickly savouring this dish for lunch in a Big C shopping complex. While not as tasty as what you’d get in a small, family-run shophouse, it was good enough. However, we craved the real thing and decided we should be able to squeeze in some first-rate servings of the curry noodles on our last day.

For the next few hours, on our journey back to Chiang Mai from the tournament, we carefully looked at every single noodle stall in hope of locating khao soi. No luck. The closest thing to khao soi was yen ta fo, a Chinese-inspired noodle dish made with a pink fermented tofu paste. While delicious, it was not khao soi.

We finally reached Chiang Mai at around 7:30pm. Not a single place was found along our journey. We finally settled for going to Big C again. We walked up to the little khao soi booth in the food court for our hard-earned meal. After spending a night sleeping on the floor of a cabin, a day fishing in the sun, a narrow escape from the storm and a long drive back into town, we looked forward to eating our noodles … only to be greeted with a sign saying: Store closed.

Sh**!

At this point I called my friend Lindz, who lived in Chiang Mai, asking her where we could get this curry noodle goodness. Her response was terribly disheartening. ‘Khao soi is a lunch thing here. It’s going to be hard to find somewhere that serves it at this hour.’

With that news we gave up and settled for a KFC burger combo at the Big C. While delicious and greasy, it lacked the khao soi-ness that we had been seeking.

By the time we arrived at the airport we were filled with unsatisfying junk food, a combination of the KFC burger combo and a Dairy Queen coffee shake, probably the furthest thing from being a traditional Northern Thai meal. It was 9:30pm when we walked into the airport. Thirsty from the fried chicken burgers we looked for places inside that still served drinks. They were all closed at 9:30pm on the dot. We kept walking and walking and finally stopped in front of one particular shop that pretty much broke our spirits: A Northern Thai restaurant that specialised in khao soi noodles. And yes, it too was closed.

How friggin’ treacherous!

Epilogue: As payback for a day filled with treachery, the best I could do was have Tap take this picture of me and the cut-out of the pandas of Chiang Mai Zoo. It is a picture of a broken man delivering all his treachery treacherousness into the behind of a panda. Why? Because treacheroussss…

_{TREACHEROUSSS}

Disclaimer: I have nothing against pandas nor Chiang Mai. This article was written with elements of exaggeration for comedy purposes. We’re really cool dudes and would totally never force our ways onto a male panda just because we didn’t get our noodles.

For more on Oz's fishing adventures, visit http://bangkokhooker-fishing.com/